Is it easy to combine motherhood and work? And how much does it cost to be a mother?
Being a mother is one of the most rewarding and worthwhile things you can do. But it’s also one of the hardest, and can come at a cost.
Being a mother requires many years of time, energy, sacrifice, commitment and patience. All of which can often be given with little seeming reward (especially during the toddler and teen years)! The every day routine and grind can also weigh you down if you don’t take care of your mental health.
In this article we’ll explore how much it costs to be a mother – financially and emotionally – and how you can meet or reduce some of those costs.
The emotional cost of being a working mother
There’s so much pressure on women today to excel in both the office and at home. We need to be the perfect mother, partner, sister and daughter when we’re at home with our family, and to perform at our best when we’re at work.
These expectations are compounded by pressures like homeschooling and housework, the burden of which both fell greater on mothers than fathers during lockdown. So it’s no surprise to learn that the women who have left the workforce during the pandemic are 26% more likely to have children, and 67% more likely to be primary caregivers.
They’re also exacerbated by issues such as the gender pay gap, which means that women are often paid less than their male counterparts for their work.
All these pressures come at a cost, and that cost is often a mother’s mental health. Across the world, around 10% of pregnant women and 13% of women who have just given birth have a mental disorder, most commonly depression.
A McKinsey study found that more women than men report symptoms of burnout and even depression, and felt pressure to work more. And another study by My Perfect Resume discovered that 75% of women (compared with 59% of men) felt their employer expected them to be ‘always on’. A study by FlexJobs found 40% were unable to unplug or were working more than they thought they should.
How to reduce the emotional cost of being a working mother
It seems that many people, including women themselves, expect them to be supermums – an expectation that is both impossible to live up to, and unreasonable to expect. And more realism and kindness would go along way to reducing the emotional cost of being a working mother.
Here are some more tips to help ease the emotional burden:
- Ditch the mum guilt – Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t perfect in one or any area of your life. All anyone can do is their best and it’s unreasonable to expect otherwise. We all drop the ball sometimes, and feeling guilt over it won’t help at all. It will just make you feel worse, which gives you even less emotional energy for work and home, and makes further failures more likely.
- Ask for help – If you are struggling, don’t stay silent. Ask for help, whether that takes the form of delegating tasks to colleagues, asking your manager to re-assign projects or sharing more of the housework with your partner and children. No one is giving out medals for martyrdom, and it’s far better to proactively ask for help earlier, than need it later because you’ve burned out.
- Say no – By the same token, don’t feel you need to always say yes. It’s fine to turn down work projects if you can’t fit them in, or say no to a family meet up if you really need a quiet day alone. By establishing and protecting your boundaries you’ll ensure that your physical and emotional needs are met, and prevent the likelihood of both burnout and resentment.
What other costs are there for being a mother?
So aside from the emotional side, what other costs might you face being a mother? We’ve already touched on the unfairness of the gender pay gap, and how more women than men have either lost their jobs or had to leave work during the pandemic. And some of those women may well look to start their pwn business, rather than return to employment.
If they do, they may well need a business loan to get them started. They’ll also need an income or savings to bridge the gap between leaving paid employment and their business bringing in a profit.
There are other loans that mothers, or aspiring mothers, may need to take out. For example if you want a child but aren’t able (or don’t want to) conceive your own, you may choose to adopt. And if you do, you may decide to take out an adoption loan to help cover the expenses connected with child adoption. Or you may need to borrow money for surrogacy. The average cost of surrogacy can range from $90,000 to $130,000 depending on the country, clinic and individual arrangements.
Or maybe, if you’re struggling alone to make ends meet, you considering taking a single mom loan to help. Because as much as you may plan your budget, it can be tough relying on one pay check to put a roof over your family’s head, and food on the table. And if you do stop working during the pandemic, then you don’t even have one pay check to rely on.
Sometimes mothers take out loans to cover essentials, such as the cost of a new baby. Even buying second hand, buying a crib, clothes, nappies, buggy, car seat and all the other essentials you need. Or maybe they need a new car, and can’t afford to buy one outright, or cover the payments on a lease plan.
Women are also more likely than men to take on their partner’s debt (53% of women reported having done so in a survey, versus 47% of men), so may need financial help paying off their partners debt or their own.
In short, it’s not always easy combining motherhood and work. And the costs of being a mother can be high – both emotional and financial. But the rewards usually make the sacrifices worth it, because what can be more wonderful than knowing you brought a life into the world, and watching your child grow up to be a healthy, happy adult who contributes positively to society?
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto
