How to talk to your children about war

Right now, the news is full of the talk of war – and this can’t have escaped the notice of most children.

It’s hard enough for adults to come to terms with talk of conflict, but for children it can be especially worrying, particularly if they hear snippets of news, or see frightening images and messages on social media.

It’s natural that children will have questions about what is happening. So, to help you prepare for them, here’s how Save The Children recommend handling discussions about conflict with your children.

Trethowans
Trethowans

Make time and listen when your child wants to talk

Give children the space to tell you what they know, how they feel and to ask you questions. They may have formed a completely different picture of the situation than you have. Take the time to listen to what they think, and what they have seen or heard.

Tailor the conversation to the child

Be mindful of the child’s age as you approach the conversation with them. Young children may not understand what conflict or war means and require an age-appropriate explanation. Be careful not to over-explain the situation or go into too much detail as this can make children unnecessarily anxious.

Younger children may be satisfied just by understanding that sometimes countries fight. Older children are more likely to understand what war means but may still benefit from talking with you about the situation. In fact, older children will often be more concerned by talk of war because they tend to understand the dangers better than younger children do.

Validate their feelings

It is important that children feel supported in the conversation. They should not feel judged or have their concerns dismissed. When children have the chance to have an open and honest conversation about things upsetting them, it can create a sense of relief and safety. 

Reassure them that adults all over the world are working hard to resolve this 

Remind children that this is not their problem to solve. They should not feel guilty about playing, seeing their friends, and doing the things that make them happy. Stay calm when you approach the conversation. Children often copy the sentiments of their caregivers – if you are uneasy about the situation, chances are your child will be uneasy as well. 

Give them a practical way to help

Support children who want to help. Children who have the opportunity to help those affected by the conflict can feel like they are part of the solution. Children can create fundraisers, send letters to local decision-makers or create drawings calling for peace.

Read more advice on helping your children through difficult times

You can read more advice on helping your children through tough times in these articles:

Save the Children has been operating in Ukraine since 2014, delivering essential humanitarian aid to children and their families. This includes supporting access to education, distributing winter kits and hygiene kits, and providing cash grants to families. You can donate to support their work here.

Photo by Annie Spratt