An expert guide to negotiating with difficult people

Personal development

Do you need to negotiate with a difficult person? Discover how to tell they might be tricky, and five tactics you can use to achieve a win-win.

Negotiation is that one word that often opens Pandora’s box of anxieties and apprehensions for many. You feel that kaleidoscope of emotions stirring your mind even to a greater extent when you’re planning to negotiate with a troublesome person. It’s no surprise because such negotiations sometimes turn into horrible conflicts, storms that wouldn’t subside, sweeping you off your feet.

Is it possible to negotiate with tough people without roaring thunder and flashing lightning? It certainly is, and that is what this article will help you to do. But let’s find out how you can recognise you may be dealing with a tricky character.

Understanding difficult people

Before we begin, we should understand human behavior. How does a difficult individual typically behave when negotiating?

Here are the most obvious traits and behavioral patterns such people are prone to during negotiations:

  • They are hard bargainers (they may resort to lies, threats, or dirty tricks).
  • They don’t demonstrate reciprocity.
  • They tend to disbelieve or contradict everything they hear.
  • They use manipulative techniques to get what they want.
  • They may treat their opponents aggressively (verbal abuse is not uncommon).

If you think you may be arguing with a narcissist, this article will help.

Types of possible negotiations with difficult people

Now, let’s look at potential scenarios in which you may find yourself negotiating with a difficult person.

You may be:

  • Negotiating a refund with an angry customer
  • Negotiating an innovative project with a difficult stakeholder or investor
  • Negotiating a property settlement with a disagreeable ex-spouse
  • Negotiating supply terms with an uncooperative manufacturer
  • Negotiating salary or promotion with a hard manager

Strikingly, 18% of people never negotiate salary during interviews because they fear it, lack skills, or have low self-confidence.

Of course, there may be other situations. So, let’s learn how to handle them. 

Five tips from experts on how to negotiate with difficult people

Here are five tips from experts on how to negotiate with difficult people.

1) Get a CLU: Calm down, listen, understand

“Pilar’s calm, easy-going demeanor was invaluable as she negotiated with a difficult seller for me.”

That’s what one of the clients said about Pilar West, a realtor at Luna Luz Properties, who helped him purchase the house.

However, Logan Mallory, Vice President of Marketing at Motivosity, believes that calmness is not enough to negotiate with a difficult person. He recommends embracing a CLU approach:

  • Calm down
  • Listen actively
  • Understand the speaker’s motivations

Logan Mallory notes, “The key part here is what comes after quieting your emotions. It’s listening and understanding the stimuli and motives. When you know what stimulates and urges the person, you can demonstrate empathy and tailor your negotiation strategy to what matters most to them. This tactic will make your words more relevant and persuasive.”

Note: Active listening is one of the fundamental negotiation skills overall, not only when facing tough people.

2) Always provide factual information

It’s hard to argue against the facts.

That’s why you should give proven facts and numbers when negotiating with difficult people.

Sergey Taver, Marketing Manager at Precision Watches, recommends relying on checkable and valid information sources rather than personal opinions or emotions. He says, “It is crucial to gather all the relevant data before dealing with a difficult personality. It can be a timeline, cost, metric, benchmark, industry standard, etc.

More importantly, back up your negotiation argument with evidence, use visual aids (graphs or tables), and support it with examples.”

Whenever the Precision Watches team members have to negotiate with difficult clients, they always give a clear understanding of their repair service timeframe, watchmakers’ workload, and quality assurance measures, explaining why the process may take longer, from two to four weeks instead of several days.

3) Formulate alternatives without pressure

Delicately offering several alternatives (plans B, C, or even D) is another essential method for dealing with difficult people. It may become one of the best emotionally intelligent tactics in your arsenal. Here’s why: It helps cut emotional pressure and resistance and improve the overall atmosphere during negotiation.

Instead of ultimatums, Jeffrey Zhou, CEO and Founder of Fig Loans, suggests presenting alternatives as opportunities with the “What if we” or “How about we” phrases. He explains, “What-if scenarios sound more hypothetical and less threatening to disagreeable people. Also, positive framing helps you avoid dictating terms or demands like ‘we need’ or ‘we must’ that might seem too absolute and ultimatum-like.”

Jeffrey Zhou lists a couple of alternative, non-oppressive formulations:

  • How about we try this approach for a month and then review the results?
  • Would it be possible to consider this option?
  • What if we offered you ___ in exchange for ___?

4) Beware of gender-biased attacks

Axel Lavergne, Founder at ReviewFlowz, believes deep-seated societal stereotypes about gender roles are the main culprits leading to such issues as labeling and verbal abuse, particularly in pay raise negotiations.

He remarks, “We still live in a world of stereotypical views on females (sensitive and emotional) and males (self-assured and aggressive), leading to double standards in salary discussions. It looks like this: women who assertively negotiate their salaries may face accusations of being too pushy or bossy, whereas men who express their feelings—wimps or crybabies.”

Whether it’s equal pay or any other subject, you may generally face gender-biased verbal attacks like these:

You need to calm down and be more rational like the men here. (To women)

Or

Stop acting so overly emotional; men are supposed to be rational. (To men)

Use the following tips when you negotiate with difficult people who throw gender-biased comments at you:

  • Refer to your feelings without accusatory phrases: I feel disrespected and ill at ease because of this comment.
  • Pinpoint your rights: I believe such treatment is discriminatory. It is against the law.
  • Set boundaries: I expect us to maintain a respectful tone.
  • Redirect the conversation: Let’s focus on the matter at hand.

5) Seek compromises and third-party support (if needed)

Naturally, bridging gaps and finding the middle ground are the keys to successful win win negotiation.

As a skilled negotiator, you should avoid escalating the talk with a hard person into a conflict and strive to meet halfway and arrive at a mutually beneficial decision. For that, you may ask: How can we make this advantageous for both of us?

When that’s not enough, John Baek, Founder of JSB Digital Works, also insists on involving a third-party mediator to resolve disputes during negotiations with difficult people (whenever necessary and appropriate, of course).

This intermediary person can be:

John Baek also adds, “The mediator should maintain neutrality during negotiation. If possible, make sure they have actual or perceived authority in the eyes of the person you negotiate with to help you reach a compromise faster and more effectively.”

Last note on dealing with difficult people

Negotiating with a problematic person may feel like sailing a turbulent sea with roiling dark clouds and enormous waves mounting in front of you.

Yet, you can thoroughly prepare and use specific negotiation strategies to navigate even the most “stormy” conversations.Remember: There are no “unapproachable” people.