Six things to do when you are not happy with your relationship

Has your sex life fizzled out over the years? Love to put the sparks back into it? Discover six things to do when you are not happy with your relationship.

When you first meet a new partner, the sex is often hot, heavy and frequent. You literally cannot keep your hands off each other. But as you settle into a committed relationship over the years, that urgency and excitement can fade.

And while it’s hard to maintain that initial electricity of new sex, that doesn’t mean to say your sex life should become predictable and dull, or even peter out completely. And yet for many people that is exactly what happens.

If you’re both happy with that situation then that’s not an issue. But if one or both of you misses having an enjoyable intimate relationship this can be hard – especially when it feels like good sex is everywhere – in the media, the movies, all over the internet, and even on the news.

If yours isn’t exactly amazing, it’s easy to succumb to FOMO. However, many people put on a show. Behind the façade, there is sexual dissatisfaction and disappointment. Many people experience unhappiness with their partner and their sex life in general. It’s hard to deal with these feelings because of how personal they are. 

But if you’re struggling, don’t lose hope. Here are six things you can try to improve your sex life and relationship.

1) Communicate 

As trivial as it may sound, communication is key to a happy, healthy relationship. However, over time it’s easy for communication to start to deteriorate and you stop talking as much. If that’s the case – you don’t even ask them how their day was or they don’t ask you – the sex talk is going to be pretty hard. 

Sometimes just by making an effort to reopen commutation in other areas of your life can get you back into more healthy habits and make the harder conversations easier. It’s also important to practice healthy communication that is open and understanding and without judgement.

This way you will both feel more comfortable raising more personal topics. Before you speak to your partner about any relationship problems, it can also help to visualize the talk and try to anticipate how they will react. This might make it easier to decide what to say and plan a response to a negative reaction. 

It’s also wise to give them time to prepare for a tricky conversation and choose the right time. Tell them you know how hard talking about sex can be. Ask them if they’re open to this kind of conversation, and if you feel nervous, share that with them. It may help put their nerves more at ease too.  

2) Go solo or use a toy 

People can be sexual even if sex with a partner doesn’t happen often. During periods of sexual drought, masturbating more frequently can be freeing and liberating. Or you may wish to bring a sex toy into your bedroom to involve your partner. Toys can help people find out what they like or make it easier to explain what they want to do. 

Spicing things up or simply making a change is fun and easy with so many different kinds of toys available. You can go for a vibrator, a remote-controlled device, handcuffs, or a dildo. When it comes to the best material for dildos, silicone deserves its reputation as the reigning champion in quality. This top-notch material is highly durable, safe, and feels amazing. 

Different kinds of silicone will have different effects. Not all silicone dildos are made alike and choosing the best one for your needs is about getting the biggest bang for your buck. Look at usability, extra features, the quality of the silicone, ease of maintenance and, of course, the price. Most people are happy with dildos made from silicone like these

3) Ask for what you want

Assuming you know what you want in bed, don’t hesitate to ask your partner if they would like to do it. Maybe they have no idea you’re dissatisfied because you never say anything. Let them know if you want more touching, more dirty talk, more foreplay, or less of something. Penetration is not mandatory. 

Like most things in life, sexual pleasure works both ways. Your pleasure is just as important as theirs. But if you don’t vocalise your needs, there is a chance they aren’t aware you are dissatisfied, and you are not giving them the opportunity to do anything about it.

4) The truth about sex and routine

Some people believe that routine kills sexual pleasure, but is that really true? One and the same position, having sex only on Tuesdays, and focusing on the orgasm can all have a negative effect, certainly. And it might help to change things a little. You could change the day, the location, or the position.

If you’re always doing the same thing, sex can be hard to get excited about, and you may want to consider spicing things up. But that said, routine isn’t always a bad thing, and having one in place can help if sex is very infrequent.

While putting sex on the schedule might seem silly, it’s one way to make sure you’ll at least be having it. So go ahead and schedule it on your Google calendar – it can work wonders for your relationship. 

“If you haven’t had intercourse in a long time, don’t think that you can hop in bed now and get right on that,” sex therapist and bestselling author Tammy Nelson tells the Huffington Post. She adds that scheduling sex is only part of the equation and suggests people give themselves a few days to plan it. Think about what you can do to make it new, interesting, and different.  

5) Don’t talk about problems in bed

It’s hard to get in the mood for sex when there’s something bothering you. The most common issues involve money, work, family, friends, and health. And if something is worrying you, it’s hard not to bring it into bed with you. You might even be thinking about your problems during sex. Obviously, good sex is out of the question in that case!

Try to banish those thoughts from the bedroom. One way to achieve this is by keeping your phone out of the room. That way, you won’t be tempted to do work or distract yourself with anything else. 

Of course, bottling up your feelings won’t help either. If you can’t get something off your mind, talk to your partner about it. It can help to share your problems and they may be able to help suggest solutions.

6) Flirt with your partner

It’s all too easy to stop flirting with your partner if you’ve been together for a while. Bu think back: did you flirt when you started dating? And was the sex was better back then? Flirting again will work as long as the attraction is still there. 

Start holding hands with your partner again, if you’ve stopped doing that, and smile and hug when you see them. If you’ve discussed your sexual issues, flirting with your partner is a great way to show them you’re serious about getting your sex life back on track. You can even tell them what flirting styles you like – for example, a random kiss or sexting.