Relocating for your partner’s job
Yes, picking up your whole life for someone else’s career can be an enormous act of faith, and it can switch in an instant from the height of excitement to sheer trepidation. At first you’re genuinely excited to support your other half’s big career move, but after a while, as you’re silently taping up cardboard boxes late at night – the pungent smell of worn packing tape filling your darkened room, and nothing left on your desk but the screeching whir of the laptop fan as you pack away the computer – you begin to wonder where your own dreams and ambitions went.
Relocating for a partner isn’t simply a case of moving from point A to B – it can have an immense effect on a person’s career, finances, and identity. Dismantling a life piece by piece isn’t easy, and it takes plenty of communication, planning, and grace to get through this transition.
Setting up Your Financial Footing Early
Before signing off on that new lease or returning to work, it is best to get a clear idea of the financial implications of moving to a new location for you and your household. Moving in itself can be a costly affair, with unexpected charges hidden in many cases within the price. It is therefore sensible to have a clear understanding of all of the costs involved in relocation. This includes your security deposit, moving company charges, and even possible periods of time where there will be only one income in your household.
So where do you even start?
Sit down with your partner and work up a realistic transitional budget. Work out your anticipated new location costs and work from there to outline the possibilities for your financial situation during the transition period. The data alone could feel overwhelming, but AI financial planning support can help: it analyzes your finances, offers personalized insight, and can help you build a moving budget you can track against your long-term financial goals. Using such tools, and having a clear, transparent way of managing finances through this time, can help to alleviate much of the anxiety associated with such major life changes.
And don’t forget to evaluate the full compensation package.
Find out if your employer offers any kind of relocation assistance (e.g., travel, temporary accommodation) or a housing allowance. Also, check if the company offers any kind of job search support to spouses. Some companies have special programs for “trailing spouses.” If they do, ask about them upfront and see if they can help alleviate some of the financial burden during your transition.
Managing the Career Pivot and Identity Shift
Your job can often become part of your identity, giving you a sense of daily routine, a structure to your life, as well as a social outlet. So when you are forced to leave your job for your partner’s career advancement, it can be very unsettling. Often the partner who is supporting and relocating for the spouse’s career feels that their own career is being put on hold as well.
How do you protect your own career momentum without letting bitterness creep in?
Instead of viewing your career during your partner’s transition as something that needs to pause completely, treat this as an opportunity to assess what did and didn’t work for you at your previous job. Update your resume, refresh your LinkedIn and other professional online profiles, and start to reach out to old colleagues as well as people who work in your industry in your new city to set up informational interviews. You could discover that this move is exactly what you needed.
Reaching out to contacts and attending meetings of professional groups (local chapters of professional organizations, alumni groups, etc.), alongside keeping track of your career development, will help you make progress in the weeks before the move. These same networks can also point you toward people in your industry who already live in the new place, giving you a real sense of what the job market looks like there before you arrive.
Rebuilding Your Social Circle and Community
Starting over from scratch in a city or country unknown to you can be an isolating experience. For the first few weeks, your partner will most likely be occupied with their new job, colleagues, and challenges in the new work environment. In contrast, you will be left to your own devices in the new neighborhood. Sometimes you might find yourself wandering around unfamiliar streets or sitting alone in unfamiliar environments, listening to the unfamiliar sounds of traffic outside your window.
It takes a lot of effort to build a life from scratch.
Create your new life by purposefully exploring the town of your new workplace and establish a fixed point of contact by frequenting a local coffee shop. Getting fit at a new gym or taking part in a new workshop also helps to distract from the isolation felt by a partner of someone who has moved for work. Volunteering work for purposes that you hold dear helps to give a new sense of purpose to your time.
Don’t expect to build a whole new community overnight – it takes time, but small interactions with the local community on a daily basis will help form a “home” of your own too. So whilst it’s good to have video calls with old friends, also make sure you’re being proactive in seeking out new interactions and people with similar interests locally too.
Keeping the Partnership Strong Through the Transition
A relocation is a big test for a relationship. People under stress have little energy, and as time passes, expectations can diverge from reality. The smallest frustration can grow into resentment as the days go by. Communication is your anchor here.
Communicating positively: Acknowledge each other’s stress. The partner who is moving for their spouse’s job may feel guilty about being in a new location, and the other spouse may be filled with anxiety about their future. These feelings must be validated by both spouses. Communication must continue to be positive throughout the transition. Remember, partners need to continue to have quality time together in order to keep their relationship strong during a difficult time such as a relocation for a spouse’s job.
Remember to take time to have quality time with each other! Go out to a new restaurant, take a long walk in a park, go to a local coffee shop, or even just order takeout and have a movie night amidst all of the unpacked boxes. Just remember to keep each other as a priority.
Embracing the Next Chapter
Moving for a partner’s job can be a complex, challenging, but also exciting experience for a partner of someone who has been transferred for work. It requires great courage and sacrifice but also brings new opportunities for growth, unexpected friendships, and totally new perspectives on life. If you keep communication open, take control of your financial situation, and start to develop your own career and interests in new ways, you’ll be able to make this huge change in your life a really positive and deepening experience for both of you.
