How to break free from Limerence and reclaim your life

If you’re human, chances are you’ve experienced infatuation. You’ve met someone you think is flawless and all you can do is think about them morning, noon and night.

But infatuation crosses over into something more serious when you feel like someone has invaded your every waking moment and taken over your thoughts entirely. What starts as attraction quickly snowballs into something deeper, stronger, and harder to manage. This continues to intensify until it feels like you’ve lost control of your own mind.

If this resonates with you, you might be experiencing something called “Limerence”. The definition of Limerence is an intense emotional fixation often mistaken for love. It’s characterised by obsessive thoughts, emotional rollercoasters and an overwhelming desire for reciprocation.

It’s an intensely human experience, but it can derail you if left unchecked.

While this state might feel inescapable, the good news is that it can be addressed. I’ve experienced Limerence myself and I’ve helped others overcome it too. These actionable steps will help you to break free and regain control of your life.

What is Limerence?

Limerence goes far beyond a fleeting crush or admiration. It’s a persistent, involuntary obsession that consumes your focus.

The most telling signs you’re in the grip of Limerence are:

Endless thoughts about the person: They dominate your waking moments, from the time you open your eyes to the time you drift off to sleep.
Overanalysing their every move: You assign meaning to casual gestures or words, searching for signs they feel the same.
Ignoring rejection: No one likes the feeling of rejection, but you interpret disinterest as temporary or something to overcome, refusing to let go.
Needing validation: Your primary goal isn’t a healthy relationship but having your feelings reciprocated.

It’s key to realise that Limerence isn’t love. Instead, it’s actually a psychological preoccupation driven by your brain’s reward system. Don’t get Limerence confused with an authentic emotional connection. It’s not.

Why does Limerence feel so addictive?

Our human brains process reward and pleasure with a cocktail of chemical reactions. Every interaction, thought or fantasy about your “Limerent object” releases dopamine. And dopamine is the feel-good neurotransmitter. Over time, your brain associates the person with pleasure. This creates an addictive loop.

The highs and lows of Limerence, which include varying quantities of hope, despair, euphoria and doubt, mimic the emotional spikes of addiction. This makes things harder to let go. Don’t blame yourself for feeling this way. It’s the way our brains are wired. But with awareness and effort, you can break free.

Five steps to overcome Limerence

Here are five steps to help you overcome Limerence.

1) Recognise the patterns

The first step is to take an honest look at your behaviors. Make a list of every action tied to your obsession, such as:

Checking their social media.
Replaying past interactions.
Googling ways to decode their behavior.
Talking about them endlessly to friends.

This awareness isn’t about judgment. It’s about identifying what fuels the cycle.

2) Start small and break easy habits

Once you’ve identified your patterns, focus on breaking the easier ones first to build momentum. Here are three strategies to help:

Add friction: Make it harder to access temptations. Unfollow or mute them on social media, or use apps to block certain sites.
Eliminate triggers: Remove reminders, such as photos or saved messages.
Get accountability: Ask a friend to call you out when you bring up the person or romanticise them.

Each small win creates a ripple effect, making it easier to tackle larger challenges.

3) Replace obsessive behaviors

When you feel the urge to engage in obsessive thoughts or actions, have a go-to replacement activity ready. Here are some ideas:

Write your feelings in a journal instead of acting on them.
Send a quick note to an accountability partner.
Look at a reminder on your phone about why breaking free is important.

The goal is to disrupt the pattern and redirect your energy.

4) Fill your calendar with joyful activities

Limerence thrives when you have time and mental space to fixate. Herein lies part of the solution. Fill your schedule with activities that bring you joy or challenge you to learn something new.

Think about hobbies that require focus, dancing, painting, learning a new language, or joining a gym class. These pursuits shift your attention and reinforce your sense of identity beyond the obsession.

5) Reflect on psychological projections

Sometimes, Limerence is less about the person and more about what they represent to you. Are you projecting unmet needs or fantasies onto them?

For example, you might see them as embodying qualities you admire but feel you lack, creating an illusion of connection. Exploring these projections can be a transformative step toward self-awareness.

When to seek professional help

If you’ve been stuck in the grip of Limerence for a long time, consider working with a coach or therapist. A professional can provide tailored strategies, hold you accountable, and help you navigate the emotional complexities of letting go.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and coaching are particularly effective in breaking obsessive cycles and rewiring thought patterns.

Be patient with yourself

Breaking free from Limerence isn’t an overnight process. There will be setbacks. Understand that this is not a linear journey, but don’t give up on yourself at any point . The key is persistence. Keep the momentum even when it feels difficult.

Give yourself at least three months of consistent effort to see significant progress, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support if needed.

Your mind belongs to you. Not to someone else’s image. Reclaim it, step by step, and build a life that is uniquely yours.

Manj Bahra is a renowned Dating and Transformation Coach. Helping 500+ clients across the globe, Manj has been described as “having the wisdom of a 300 year old man”. He combines neuroscience, psychology and coaching with wit and a warm heart for his clients.

When Cupid’s arrow misses the mark, Manj’s guidance helps heal broken hearts, paves the way for love’s return and creates the environment for rapid transformation. Book a no-obligation, free discovery call here.