Five tell-tale signs your partner is lying
Get the feeling your partner isn’t being 100% truthful with you? Here are five tell-tale signs they might be lying.
According to a study performed by the University of Kassel, one-third of all romantic partners lie to their significant other. The challenge lies in being able to trust a partner while still discerning when they might be telling a lie.
Since we’re not mind-readers, we all worry about the people around us lying at some point, says April Davis, the founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, a high-end matchmaking service. There’s nothing worse than realising the person you love most has been hiding things from you. But how can we tell?
1) They make excessive eye contact
While many assume liars will look away when lying because they’re too ashamed to look you in the eye, the opposite is actually true. Liars tend to maintain excessive eye contact because they’re watching you carefully to see if you buy their story or not.
Their eyes may flick to the side as well when they’re thinking, especially if you ask them a curveball question that they haven’t yet made up an answer for.
2) They buy time with vocal filler
Vocal fillers are all those little sounds you make when speaking that aren’t words, like ‘um’, ‘hmm’, ‘ah’, and so on. They’re sometimes an indication that someone is hesitant about what they’re saying (like when they’re feeling guilty about lying), but often people use them to buy time to think while speaking. If your partner’s speech is overly peppered with these vocal filler sounds, they may be fabricating their story on the spot.
Repeating a question you asked back at you is also a way to buy time while they think about how to answer.
3) Their normal way of speaking changes
You know your partner well, so you know how they usually sound when speaking. Lying makes people nervous, which tends to tighten their throat muscles, changing how their voice sounds. They’re also often more deliberate about what they say, which can lead to odd, unnatural mannerisms or more formal language than they would usually use.
4) They fidget excessively
Lying tends to trigger an uncomfortable physical response in the person lying. Nerves might make your partner fidget more while lying, or they might subconsciously move to cover their mouth because they feel guilty about what’s coming out of it.
Liars tend to engage in grooming motions like scratching and fiddling with their hair while they lie. These motions are calming, so it’s essentially them trying to keep their cool while they try to sell their story.
5) They gesture with both hands
This one may sound odd, but it has a basis in science! A study performed by the University of Michigan using clips of people speaking on the stand in court found that 40% of the people who were lying gestured with both hands during their statements and cross-examinations, versus just 25% of those whose stories were proven true.
What to do if you catch your partner lying
So what do you do if you catch your partner in a lie? Navigating the discovery that your partner’s lying to you demands a delicate balance of empathy and self-protection. Your initial reaction is probably a mix of hurt, confusion, and disbelief, but try to stay calm. Getting into a screaming match won’t help!
Before reacting impulsively, take a pause, as rash responses can hinder genuine resolution. Ask direct, probing questions to illuminate inconsistencies, and have your partner tell the story in reverse order to unveil subtle clues that could otherwise go unnoticed.
Fostering an environment of open communication is central to rebuilding trust. Cultivate moments where both you and your partner can express vulnerabilities and concerns without fear of judgement. Honest dialogue reduces the need for deception as a defensive shield, cultivating deeper intimacy and understanding.
In cases where deception persists or significantly strains the relationship, seeking professional guidance is a must. Couples therapy offers a structured platform to explore underlying issues and rebuild trust through mediated discussions. A skilled therapist can provide impartial insights and strategies tailored to your relationship, helping you to either rebuild trust or part on amicable terms if the relationship can no longer go forward.
LUMA Luxury Matchmaking is a high-end matchmaking service that caters to professionals, executives, and millionaires who are serious about finding a long-term partner.
The firm’s experienced matchmakers, many of whom are also life coaches, use their expertise to carefully match clients based on their personality and lifestyle, aiming to create meaningful and lasting relationships
