Five signs your engagement band is really a ‘shut up ring’

After dating for years and dropping hundreds of hints about marriage that go unnoticed, it can be tempting to drop an ultimatum – propose or break up.

In some cases, this results in a ‘shut up ring’ – an engagement ring purchased to give the appearance of moving the relationship forward when one partner isn’t actually sure they’re ready to commit.  

I’ve met hundreds of people buying rings for their partners, and sometimes their emotion when they’re buying says it all, says Blake Asaad, founder of GOODSTONE, a leading provider of exquisitely crafted diamond jewellery. When someone is genuinely excited to be married, you can feel it as soon as they walk in. On the other hand, the vibe is often easy to spot if they’re buying a ‘shut up ring’.

Using his years of experience, Blake explains five signs that indicate an engagement ring might be a cause for doubt rather than celebration.

Five signs your engagement band is really a ‘shut up ring’

Here are five signs your long-awaited engagement band may actually be a less romantic ‘shut up ring’ instead.

1) The proposal came after a big argument

If the engagement proposal comes shortly after a heated argument or ultimatum, it may be a strategic move to pacify you rather than an authentic commitment. Proposals should come from a place of love, not be used to resolve a conflict. If they whip out a ring just to try and placate you, it may be a sign they’re not actually committed.

2) Your partner avoids deep relationship conversations

When a partner who has consistently avoided conversations about the future or their long-term plans proposes out of the blue, this seeming gesture of commitment could actually be an attempt to postpone those important discussions.

Instead of addressing concerns about the future in a mature way, they may be trying to buy time or deflect from the deeper issues in the relationship by distracting you with what they think you want (and celebrating the engagement).

3) Your partner isn’t as involved in the planning process

Proposals should involve excitement and engagement from both partners. While some couples do take it slow when planning their wedding, a partner who’s utterly uninterested in setting a wedding date or avoids planning entirely may not be fully committed.

Some people aren’t fussy about all the small details of a wedding, but if they want to share their life with you, they’ll have at least some level of enthusiasm.

4) There’s external pressure

External factors, like family pressure, religious expectations, or societal norms, may push a partner to propose even if they aren’t ready. If your partner previously expressed no interest in marriage and suddenly gives in to pressure, this is a red flag. 

5) You feel uncertain

Your intuition is key. If something feels off about the proposal or you have lingering doubts, it’s important to trust those feelings. True commitment is built on mutual enthusiasm, not anxiety or uncertainty. When a proposal is genuine, you’ll know, says Blake. If you’re questioning the authenticity of the proposal, it’s a sign that a deeper conversation is needed.

What to do if you suspect you’ve been given a ‘shut up ring’

When someone gives a ‘shut up ring,’ it’s often rooted in avoidance of conflict and fear of emotional confrontation. Instead of addressing the real issues in the relationship, a ring is offered as a temporary band-aid. This creates the illusion of commitment while deeper problems remain unresolved. 

If you suspect you’ve received a shut-up ring, have an open, honest conversation with your partner. Focus on understanding the underlying issues that might have made them feel they had to propose, and be honest about whether both of you are genuinely invested in the future of this relationship. If you discover the proposal was given under pressure or to stop you from leaving, it’s vital to pause and reconsider moving forward.

Discuss your intentions for the long term. Buying a ‘shut up ring’ is a costly mistake, but it’s one that’s ultimately fairly easy to reverse. The same cannot be said of buying a house together or having children, so make sure you’re both truly committed and have discussed the future in-depth before deciding to move forward. 

GOODSTONE is a leading provider of exquisitely crafted diamond jewellery rooted in a commitment to integrity, authenticity, and sustainability. Their collections embody timeless elegance and modern sensibilities, catering to individuals who seek not just adornment, but a reflection of their values and aspirations.