Five red flags to watch out for in your partner’s home
In the world of dating, it’s often the little details that can reveal the most about a person. The things in your partner’s home, for example, could be offering silent clues about the health of your relationship.
The items in your partner’s home can give you insight into their mindset or emotional state, says April Davis, the founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, a high-end matchmaking service. Sometimes, these items can point to underlying issues that need to be confronted, or indicate incompatibilities that might not be immediately apparent.
April reveals five items in your partner’s home that could be major flags and signal you might need to rethink your relationship. While these objects aren’t necessarily deal-breakers on their own, they could signal deeper issues that warrant a serious conversation.
1) Photos of an ex
Walking into your partner’s home and seeing photos of their ex still hanging on the wall is a real record-scratch moment. While keeping a few mementos from past relationships is normal, still having framed photos up can indicate they haven’t fully moved on.
If your partner hasn’t taken steps to remove these images, it might signal unresolved feelings or emotional baggage. They may be clinging to memories, meaning they’ll struggle to fully commit to their relationship with you.
2) Extreme clutter
Piles of paperwork, random objects, and general disarray all around your partner’s house might indicate an underlying lack of control over their life. Some people find it difficult to let go of things, while others may be so overwhelmed with stress and anxiety that they simply can’t prioritise organisation.
While clutter alone doesn’t make or break a relationship, it could indicate that your partner struggles with emotional overwhelm or avoids dealing with personal issues. Neglecting their living space might be a sign that they’re willing to neglect other areas of their life.
3) ‘Pick-up artist’ books
Finding books on so-called pick-up artist techniques can raise an eyebrow or two, especially if your partner has these materials stashed away. These books tend to focus on manipulation, game-playing, and a detached approach to relationships, with an emphasis on short-term tactics rather than building genuine emotional connections.
If your partner is still engaging with this content, it could reflect how they view relationships in general – and that might not have changed, even with you in the picture.
Your partner’s interest in these books could suggest they struggle with vulnerability, openness, or confidence, preferring to rely on scripted interactions rather than building connections organically.
4) An out of date calendar
A calendar that hasn’t been updated in months or even years might seem like a minor oversight, but it can symbolise avoidance of planning for the future or difficulty with time management.
Whether it’s hanging on the wall or sitting on a desk, an expired calendar may be a subtle sign of procrastination or even a reluctance to face upcoming responsibilities.
5) An entire drawer full of takeout menus
While most of us enjoy a lazy night of ordering in, a drawer overflowing with takeout menus can indicate a lack of interest in domestic skills like meal planning. If ordering out has become the default instead of the exception, it could also point to a lack of concern for health or financial planning.
It’s worth considering whether this reliance on takeout shows a lack of interest in domestic life. When setting up a home together, you want a partner who’ll see the responsibility to care for your home as a group effort. Over time, your partner’s reluctance to cook for themself might manifest into an unwillingness to help with any domestic chore.
What to do if you spot a red flag in your partner’s home
When you notice something in a partner’s home that feels off, approach the topic with curiosity and compassion rather than accusation. These items can symbolise deeper emotional issues, but jumping to conclusions will just create defensiveness.
Start by expressing your observations in a non-confrontational way. Use ‘I’ statements, such as ‘I noticed you still have pictures of your ex?’ This approach allows your partner to open up without feeling attacked.
For habits like extreme clutter or constant reliance on takeout, frame the conversation as a discussion about their lifestyle and well-being. Offering to help or suggesting positive changes can lead to a healthy discussion rather than an argument. The key is to create space for an honest conversation rather than assuming the worst.
