Effective co-parenting communication strategies for a 70/30 custody split

In a 70/30 custody split where one parent has their child or children 70% of the time and the other has them 30% of the time, communication is crucial.

This type of split can be a suitable option for families seeking stability and predictability, but only if implemented correctly. It works particularly well for those who have a child who needs a consistent primary residence while also being able to build and maintain a meaningful relationship with the other parent. 

As with any custody schedule, though, effective communication is needed to ensure that your child’s needs are prioritized, schedules are coordinated, and conflicts are minimized. Explore the seven key strategies you need to know when determining whether a 70/30 custody split is best so that you can implement a practical approach to ensure a smooth experience for your child.

Establish communication plans from the start

Effective communication always starts with a clear plan, so you and your co-parent should discuss and agree on how you will approach communication. Items such as the strategy you use, the frequency of check-ins, and any topics to address should all be covered. 

By having a structured approach, you will reduce the likelihood of any miscommunications and ensure all parties are on the same page. 

Additionally, try to outline how often updates on various things in your child’s life will be shared with the other partner. Weekly or bi-weekly check-ins tend to be good starting points for discussing activities, academic progress, and upcoming events, so consider documenting this intended frequency in writing to reference later if disputes arise. 

Use co-parenting apps and tools

An effective tool for communication, typically when co-parents aren’t on the best of terms, is to use co-parenting apps. These can be a game-changer for parents and simplify things such as scheduling, expense tracking, and sharing major life updates. 

Talking Parents, Cozi, and OurFamilyWizard are all examples, but even something as simple as Google Calendar can help you and your former partner stay in the know. Built-in messaging systems are particularly helpful for parents who cannot have productive conversations over the phone due to tensions, thus minimizing the stress of managing different schedules or responsibilities. 

Focus on your child in conversations

Perhaps the golden rule of co-parenting communication is to always keep your child at the center of conversations. This means you should only be discussing the needs of your child, their progress, their well-being, and more rather than letting the conversation revolve around you and your former partner.

Conversations should be constructive and child-focused, so when disputes inevitably arise it’s important to remind yourself that collaboration is all for the benefit of your child. Never use your child as a messenger to vent frustrations or discuss things with your other partner. Always keep your interactions professional and centered on your child to foster a healthy communication strategy. 

Set boundaries for healthy communication

Boundaries are an extremely important aspect of healthy communication that you need to consider. Co-parenting is a partnership at the end of the day, but it’s also important to respect each other’s personal time and space. 

Try to start by agreeing on your stipulations for communication. Establish specific hours when communication between each other is acceptable except during cases of emergencies. On top of this, discuss with your partner how frequent updates will be shared in order to avoid overwhelming the other person with excessive information.

You should also define what acceptable behaviors look like, which can vary from couple to couple. For instance, establish what language you can use and topics to avoid in order to steer clear of heated arguments. Boundaries will help to create a framework for healthy communication that reduces tension between you and your former partner. 

Maintain transparency and share information with your partner 

It should seem natural that transparency is the key to building trust between co-parents, meaning you should share updates about your child or children’s health, education, extracurriculars, and more. Don’t hold information back from your partner as it can alienate them.

If your child is struggling in school, as an example, both parents should be made aware of the issue so that a joint plan to tackle the issue can be created. As discussed earlier, co-parenting apps can be a useful tool to consider to streamline this process of transparency as it can make it easier to track updates. 

Handle conflicts gracefully

Be aware that conflicts will always arise at some point no matter how hard you try to avoid them. Co-parenting is difficult after all. How these issues are handled will make all the difference though. Approach conflicts with grace and respect in order to ensure that disagreements don’t derail your custody arrangement.

This should always start with listening to the perspective of your former partner, even if you don’t agree, as acknowledging their viewpoint can diffuse tension. If you have a disagreement about a proposed schedule change, for instance, listen to their reasoning rather than immediately saying no.

Regular re-assess your communication strategies

As your child or children grow and circumstances start to change, so too should the communication strategies you use with your former partner. What works now may not work in the future after all. Schedule periodic check-ins with your co-parent to evaluate the efficacy of current strategies, and use it as an opportunity to implement new ones if necessary. 

You should also take the time to celebrate any improvements in communication that you or your partner have had, no matter how small they may seem. This positive reinforcement will strengthen your co-parenting relationship and help to set the stage for additional collaboration.

Maintain strong communication after your separation

Co-parenting is never an easy process, but with an effective approach to your communication, you can make it as painless as possible. A 70/30 split is extremely common, but it has the potential to accidentally make a parent feel left out. By working together you can overcome this hurdle and ensure that your child or children are being provided with the stability and love they deserve in an environment they can thrive in.