Donor eggs: Embracing challenges, celebrating miracles

Defining a fertility journey using donor eggs as a rollercoaster is an understatement to say the least.

From the heart-wrenching low of being told you’re unlikely to have a child using your own eggs to the overwhelming high of finally giving birth to your baby, it can be difficult to process all of the emotions involved in egg donation. 

Taking everything one step at a time is imperative. Facing each hurdle and emotional decision with clarity and focus will help you overcome those seemingly impossible lows to achieve that stomach-flipping, rollercoaster-inducing high of a positive pregnancy test.  

In this article, we walk through some of the emotional challenges you may face along the way.

Coming to terms with egg donation as the next step in your fertility journey

When you’re first told that you may not be able to have a child using your own eggs, it’ll no doubt feel as though your entire world has come crashing down overnight. The options presented to you–surrogacy, egg donation, and adoption–may seem incomprehensible. 

But take time to work through the pros and cons of each before making a decision. While each of these paths will help you achieve your end goal, there is only one that gives you the chance to give birth to your baby. A number of women choose egg donation for that reason.

Despite the difficult decisions this presents (as we explore below), the fact it allows you to enjoy a normal pregnancy after the embryo transfer is a wonderfully enriching experience. It gives you time to bond with your baby and give birth to them, which is something surrogacy and adoption don’t offer. 

Feeling happy in your choice of egg donor 

After coming to terms with the avenue of egg donation, the next step is to find a donor. Will this be someone you know? Or will you utilize the plethora of candidates available via a clinic or egg bank? 

The former can appeal, especially when a friend or family member offers to help. However, it’s important to take a step back here. How do you feel about your baby having a relationship with their donor? Is there the potential for uncomfortable conversations and/or relationships further down the line? Will you tell your child who their donor is?

As much as you may want the genetic tie or personal connection to the donor, it is a huge decision for you and the donor, so you should have some frank conversations with them. It may also help to speak to a counselor.

Egg banks may seem ‘clinical’ to start with, but, they are anything but. Yes, egg donors retain some anonymity but you can actually access vast amounts of details about them if you want to. You can get to know what their favorite hobbies are, what their profession is, what color eyes they have, what their ambitions are, and so much more. This enables you to create a more personal connection before going ahead with the next step. 

Discovering you’re pregnant via an egg donor

The day you have been dreaming of has finally arrived–you’re pregnant! Congratulations! But, while this will no doubt be one of the highest of highs, there may also be a few doubts that creep in.

Will you bond with your baby? Will people be able to tell you used a donor? How are you going to tell your baby their heritage in the future?

Even though all of these thoughts and fears are completely normal, you will find that as you work through them, they soon become a distant memory. 

For example, as you start to feel your baby growing inside you and you experience their first kick and see their first scan, the bond you’ve been worrying about will have been developing all this time. You see, you are nurturing your baby, you are bringing them into this world, and it will be you that rocks them to sleep when they finally arrive. 

As you start to experience your pregnancy, everything else will begin to melt away as you start to prepare for your family to grow. This is your miracle to celebrate after overcoming so many challenges.