Divorcing a narcissist? Join a free workshop and learn how to protect yourself

Divorce is never easy. But when you’re divorcing a narcissist, the rules of the game change completely, and it’s important you both educate and protect yourself.

Winchester-based family law practitioners Trethowans are experienced in handling divorces involving a narcissistic spouse.

In this article, they explain why it’s essential you understand how a narcissist acts during a divorce, and how they can help make the divorce process smoother for you.

You need to protect yourself when divorcing a narcissist

Narcissistic behavior is a personality trait alluded to by Dr. Mark Banschick who coined the phrase the Malignant Divorce. Dr. Banschick describes the narcissist as “completely self-serving and selfish”.

So if you are divorcing a narcissist, it is important to educate and protect yourself. As Dr. Banschick says:

“[A narcissistic spouse] completely dismisses any of your needs, or all the years of devotion and mutual companionship that you had built together. Normal people remember the good from the past. It informs a sense of balance and fairness during a divorce (even through a betrayal).

“You may be getting a divorce, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have valuable memories and a life story together. For the narcissist, it is all gone; like it never happened. You will have to understand this if you are to deal effectively with him.

“The narcissist can undermine you with your friends, with your children and steal your money, all while looking sincere and generating good will among the community.”

You need a divorce lawyer who understands narcissists

Not all divorce lawyers are there to create and inflame the conflict at home. Winchester-based practitioners Emma Wilders-Pratt and Juliet Mayhew have developed a considered approach to Family law:

“Our methods are there to help people find solutions to conflict in a conciliatory way. More importantly, we understand the psychology of the narcissist and how to negotiate with this mind set.

Our goal is to find the best possible exit for our client and this can’t be achieved by demonising the other party, which ultimately can inflame and prolong the conflict,” says Juliet Mayhew, Trethowans’ Family Law Partner.

Understanding the psychology of the person being negotiated with is crucial to deciding how to approach that negotiation and how to get the best result from it. Demonising and labelling a person moves the negotiator further away from understanding them.”

You need to communicate for your children

If you have children, you’ll need to continue to communicate and work together, often for many years post separation. And the way your separation is handled by you will have huge long term ramifications for the children.

Emma Wilders-Pratt, Trethowans’ Family Law Partner adds:

“We have created a better way which is to understand the perspective of both parties so that we can move their positions closer together with the aim of compromise and resolution.

We are used to dealing with people whose behaviour can be challenging. We provide an exceptionally high level of care to clients who are going through a particularly painful time and we tailor our methods to suit the individual circumstances of each family.

If a client is faced with a partner who presents symptoms of narcissistic behaviour they may think that going to court is the only way to get the best result and for some this may be the only way. If so we have the expertise to guide and support them through that process and achieve the best results for themselves and their family.

For others, litigation may not be the best way. We have particular expertise in alternative methods such as mediation and the no court approach and have the benefit of being able to explore all of the options and tailor our approach to ensure the best possible outcome for our clients.”

Emma and Juliet are acutely aware that the legal and financial arrangements are not the only elements to consider following the breakdown of a relationship. What is just as important is how clients and their children are coping emotionally:

“At Trethowans, we work closely with a number of experts who we refer our clients to, that can offer therapeutic support and guidance where necessary to ensure that each client receives the full package of support.“

Join the free New Beginnings workshop and lunch

Trethowans are collaborating with a team of family experts to provide a free workshop in Winchester offering the tools needed to help traverse the difficult journey faced following a relationship breakdown.

The New Beginnings workshop will:

  • Provide practical tools for developing an effective co-parenting relationship.
  • Tap into self confidence and strength.
  • Improve self esteem and self belief.
  • Provide coping strategies to take away.
  • Discover the better way.

The workshop is limited to 10 places. The next date is on Tuesday 11th October 2016 at Hotel Du Vin, Southgate Street, Winchester, SO23 9EF. The times are 9.00am – 2.00pm (it includes a complimentary lunch).

If you would like to attend the free workshop, please RSVP to 01962 670677 or email sara.willis@trethowans.com.

This is a sponsored article.