Why feeling better can sometimes feel uncomfortable
You usually order a burger when you go out to eat, but today, you’ve decided to order a salad. And for some reason, you start panicking a little. Weird, right? What’s even weirder is that you decided to skip your evening glass of wine last night, and your brain tried to convince you that you deserve it because you only live once.
But you know that it sometimes gives you a headache in the morning, so you stick to your decision.
If you know it’s for your own good, why does it feel… Bad?
To put it simply, your brain doesn’t like anything new. It doesn’t matter that the salad is healthier than a big, cheesy burger. Your brain is familiar with the burger, so a salad freaks it out a little. Change is awkward, even when it’s positive.
Why Positive Change Feels Awkward Before It Starts Feeling Better
Positive change, no matter how small it might be, usually feels a little off at first.
Of course, the bigger the change, the worse it’s going to feel. If you change your hair color, it might feel weird a little at first, but give it a day or two, and you’ll get used to it. But there are also more extreme situations where changes lead to actual nervous breakdowns first.
A friend of mine, for instance, has been having some problems with substance abuse for a while. It’s always been really high highs and really low lows for her, but recently, it’s gone downhill like never before. And she’s in Philadelphia, so I wasn’t able to visit her too often to try and help out. Anyway, she decided to give outpatient substance abuse therapy in Philadelphia a go, and let me tell you, it was REALLY BAD at first. But not ‘bad’ in a bad sense, but rather something that you know you HAVE to push through in order to heal.
I remember telling her that feeling bad means things are changing, and if they’re changing for the better, then the discomfort is worth pushing through, right?
End of that story – it worked.
And that’s the entire point. When we want to get better, things often get worse before they get better.
The night’s darkest right before dawn.
Breaking a Routine Leaves Your Brain Looking for the Old One
You decide to stop an unhealthy habit. Good for you.
The thing is, your brain has already spent quite some time building neural connections around a certain behavior, even if that behavior seems small, like snacking in the middle of the afternoon. If you stop doing that, your brain will still expect that same cue and that same reward it’s been getting every afternoon for however long.
This means that your brain expects one thing, but it gets something else.
And it doesn’t like it.
In fact, it dislikes it so much that it’ll try to get you to go get that snack even though you’re trying to quit. This is why they say old habits die hard and why moments like these are so insanely uncomfortable.
You Notice Quick Relief More Than Slow Progress
Sticking to a habit that’s familiar to you makes you feel better. If you’re used to having a soda every afternoon, that sugar rush feels great, as bad as it is for your health.
The glass of wine you have at the end of the day just melts your tension away. The relief is instant, which can’t be said for making healthy choices. If you’re used to eating junk food, eating kale won’t make you less tired in a week, but it’ll definitely make you less satisfied.
If you start working out after years of being a couch potato, you won’t see that six-pack in just a month.
And you’ll find lots of different videos on how to get that six-pack, and it’ll tell you things like ‘fast’ or ‘easy’. The truth is – getting that six-pack isn’t complicated, nor is it some mystery. What it IS is it’s HARD. It’s DIFFICULT. It can be done, but you need to be ready for the challenge, and you need to be strong enough not to quit (and you’ll want to quit many times).
The good stuff is happening below the surface, but it takes time until it becomes visible, which is why people give up quickly. The discomfort’s there, and waiting on that six-pack doesn’t feel nearly as good as giving in to an old habit and having a soda.
Instant gratification trumps everything else.
Doing Something New Won’t Immediately Feel Like the New You
There’s a gap between what you do and who you think you are. You could go to the gym 5 days out of the week and still think of yourself as lazy and slow.
You could cook healthy meals every day and still feel like you’re a takeout kind of person.
This is pretty common, and it makes total sense. It would be unreasonable to expect that your whole identity will change just because you decided to eat a carrot for a snack instead of a cookie. You’ll need to repeat something over and over before you start to feel like a new person.
Fake it until you make it, am I right?
Feeling Uncomfortable Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing Something Wrong
Being uncomfortable doesn’t mean you have to stop.
Learning something new is awkward at first, but that doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is wrong. If you’re starting a new routine, you’ll most likely feel weird and even a little annoyed. That’s all okay. Not scrolling on your phone before bed may not seem like something you need to LEARN, but for your brain, it feels exactly like that.
That being said, if you’re feeling actual pain or extreme exhaustion, that’s something you’ll want to pay attention to. Working out, for example, isn’t always pleasant, but it shouldn’t make you fall apart.
For most people, discomfort is just something they have to push through before it stops on its own.
How to Make Positive Change Feel More Pleasant
Okay, so now you know why change feels weird.
What can you do about it?
Motivation and willpower will run out sooner or later, which means you need to find a way to make yourself stick to what you know is good for you until it becomes second nature.
One thing that helps is, instead of trying to kill an old habit, replacing it. Your brain doesn’t like things to be empty, so if you can fill that void somehow, that’s huge.
Imagine you’ve had a soda every afternoon for the past year. Instead of quitting cold turkey, have juice instead. That old trigger still gets a response, and although the response is different, it makes the process easier.
Something else that helps is taking it slow.
Why do you think so many New Year’s resolutions are over by February? People go from zero to a hundred and expect that to be sustainable. It’s not, so if you think that working out every day will be possible when you’ve barely moved in years, think again. Instead of trying to do deadlifts, try taking a walk after dinner. That’s a much more reasonable way to start being active again.
Baby steps are how you win and how you make the good stuff stick.
Also, expect setbacks (they’re normal).
Setbacks aren’t disasters, and if you treat them like that, you’ll fall back into old patterns before you know it. If you’ve been eating clean all week and then have a pizza on Saturday, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it; you’re still getting healthier. One pizza isn’t the end of the world. It’s just a bump in the road.
The real issue here would be if you were to treat an occasional pizza or a candy bar as an excuse to quit the whole thing and go back to eating junk. Nobody’s perfect, so don’t put that pressure on yourself.
Focus on being consistent because that’s what’s truly important.
If you eat well most of the time, that’s all it takes to make real changes in your life. If you work out 4 days out of the week, you’re still doing much better than when you didn’t work out at all.
Try to actively notice those small wins because every time you’d rather stay on your couch but still force yourself to go for a walk is a win. Too many people find themselves in the middle of changing their life for the better, and then they focus on everything that’s still the same. They still have pizza on weekends, they still have a flabby stomach, they’re still not drinking enough water, and so on.
Instead, be happy because you walked longer today than you did yesterday.
That’s a sustainable way to make changes, and it’s how you motivate yourself to keep going.
One last thing I’d like to mention is that you have to remember that new routines take time to feel normal. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
That’s something only time can take care of, so as awkward as it feels right now, it’ll feel normal if you don’t give up too soon.
Conclusion
Getting better will feel really uncomfortable at first, and that’s just something you have to make your peace with.
If you want it bad enough, though, you’ll push through all the discomfort and weirdness and manage to become the person you want to be. That strange phase is a sign that something new is going on, and it’s actually something you should be happy about.
What would be the point of doing something new if it felt the same as the very thing you’re trying to quit or change?
