Who gets the children on Christmas Day? (Hint: it doesn’t have to be a battle)
Christmas is supposed to be the season of goodwill, but for separated parents it can feel more like a military operation, complete with strategic planning, tense negotiations and a standoff over who bought the best selection box.
The good news? There are more ways to share the festive season than most people realise. With a bit of creativity and a willingness to compromise, everyone can have a wonderful Christmas, and the children can have the best one of all.
Here are some of the most common approaches we see.
1. Alternate the whole Christmas period
One parent has the children from 23 or 24 December through to the 28th or 29th, while the other parent takes New Year, and you alternate each year. This works well where families live some distance apart because each parent gets a proper block of time without a rushed handover and lots of travel.
2. The Boxing Day morning handover
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with one parent, then a handover on Boxing Day morning so the other parent gets the rest of the holiday. Simple, clean, and means both households get a proper Christmas celebration. Once again you can alternate this each year.
3. Split Christmas Day itself
Some families divide the day, morning with one parent, afternoon and evening with the other. It can be hectic, but if you live locally to each other, it means the children wake up in one home and go to bed in another, with two lots of Christmas dinner (lucky them).
4. Celebrate two Christmases
Rather than splitting one day or swapping blocks, each household holds its own Christmas celebration on a different date. The children have Christmas Day with one parent and then a second Christmas a day or two later with the other. Nobody misses out on giving the children a Christmas morning, there is no stressful handover on the day itself, and from the children’s point of view it is simply twice the fun.
The beauty of all these arrangements is that none of them need to be set in stone. Any option can be alternated year on year, so neither parent is always stuck with the same slot.
The children’s perspective
Here is the thing that is worth remembering: Christmas matters far more to the adults than it does to the children. Children just want to open their presents. They are not checking the calendar to see whether it is 25 December or 27 December, they are checking whether the wrapping paper is coming off quickly enough.
In fact, the more Christmases a child gets to celebrate, the better they think the arrangement is. Two Christmas dinners? Two sets of presents? Two lots of selection boxes? Two lots of matching Christmas pyjamas? From a child’s point of view, their parents separating may just have doubled the magic.
So before you roll up your sleeves for the annual battle over who gets the early start on Christmas Day, it is worth pausing to ask: what actually matters here? The answer, almost always, is that the children are happy and there are plenty of ways to make that happen.
A serious note
If you are struggling to agree on Christmas arrangements, seek advice early. Leaving it until mid-December only increases the stress for everyone, children included. A good family solicitor can help you find a solution that works; often the best arrangements are the ones that are flexible enough to adapt as children grow.
Andrew Morris is a partner in the family law team at HCR Law.
