How to support your family without carrying it alone
If you are the one that everyone leans on for support, you may feel like you have a lot on your shoulders. It may also feel like an unspoken rule that you never really accepted, which can make it all the more difficult. There can come a point where you aren’t just supporting your family, you’re carrying them. The challenge isn’t stepping back completely, but how you can balance everything while showing up for the people that you love and care for.
To help you on your journey, here are some top tips on taking care of yourself while supporting your family.
Understanding what support really means
Support can mean a variety of different things, as each family member will have different needs. However, what tends to happen is that support ends up looking like taking everything on all at once, and doing everything yourself. This can result in more pressure, rather than more support and progress.
Children may require structure and quality time, teenagers may need trust and independence, and elderly parents may need practical help and support.
Taking a moment to understand the needs can help you reduce the mental and physical load you are inevitably taking.
The roles you’ve taken on
People always underestimate how many roles they have taken on, simply because they are on autopilot, it is necessary, or it just happened without them knowing. Not only are you a parent and someone’s daughter or son, but you may also be taking on roles such as the carer, the cleaner, the problem solver, and more.
Sometimes it can be hard to see where some roles start and some end, and they can all overlap.
Pause and take stock. Think about all the different roles you are taking on. Which ones are your responsibility, and which ones can be changed? Changes might look like sharing the load, setting boundaries, or sharing new expectations about how you can show up and how much you can give.
Making difficult but necessary decisions
When you take on extra family support roles like looking after elderly parents, you may come to a point where hard decisions need to be made. This is a big role and responsibility to take on, and it is important to understand your own needs and capacity. The conversation of assisted living is one that comes up in many households and one that can help you support your elderly parents in the best way possible.
When making difficult decisions like these, it is important to stay open, curious and compassionate.
Regardless of what roles you have taken on, it is vital that you take care of yourself too. This means finding support, in whatever form might be best for you. This could be close friends and family, as well as support groups who are also parents or have taken on caring roles, or it could be a therapist.
You can still find ways to help your family, without burning yourself out. Follow these top tips to help you reduce the load.
