Five red flags that you’re dating a catfish

Found what feels like your soul mate online, but worried they’re just a little too perfect? Here are five red flags that you may be dating a catfish.

When you’re looking for love, it can be heart-breaking to realize the person you’ve been talking to isn’t who they say they are. Nearly half of us (40%) know someone who has been ‘catfished’, while 22% have been targeted by a catfish themselves, surveys have found. 

But there are ways to spot and avoid a catfish. April Davis, founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, a high-end matchmaking service, lays out five ways you can catch a catfish out.

1) You can’t find them anywhere else online

Most people these days have an online presence, especially if they’re the type to try online dating. It could be a red flag if you can’t find a social media page, a LinkedIn, or any mention of them online at all. If you’re suspicious, ask to add them on Facebook or Instagram. If they refuse or the account they send you looks new, that’s a red flag.

2) They make conversations personal very quickly

Catfish are well known for ‘love-bombing,’ a form of emotional manipulation in which someone uses excessive and extravagant expressions of love to try to manipulate someone. If the person you’re talking to immediately goes over the top with compliments, wants to communicate all the time, and makes statements like ‘I love you’ within a few days of speaking, it’s a big red flag. 

Catfishes want you to feel special so that you’ll bond with them, and they want to do it quickly so that they can take what they want from you and move on. If they can convince you this is a whirlwind romance, they’ll have a better chance of scamming you because you’ll be more inclined to say yes when they ask you for things. 

3) They don’t open up

While catfishes want to know everything about you, they often have no interest in talking about themselves – because, of course, they’re not who they say they are. It’s hard to keep lies straight, so catfishes would rather not give out any personal info at all. 

Catfishes are looking to scam people with as little effort as possible, so they don’t want to go to the trouble of making up and maintaining a fake identity. If you insist on knowing personal details and your new conversation partner goes quiet, you might have just dodged a catfish.

4) They won’t show their face

The last thing a catfish wants is for you to see their real face. Catfishes usually steal pictures from someone else to use so that their profile doesn’t stand out, but will refuse to send photos or do video calls. The best way to check that someone is legitimate is to ask them to send a picture of themselves doing a specific pose or activity, especially an unusual one that would be hard to find photos of online. 

5) They ask for money

Asking for money, no matter the reason, is a huge red flag. Whether they want a bank transfer or your credit card number, catfishes have a wide range of sob stories to tell when it’s time to try to swindle you out of your cash. Never give out any money or information to someone you’ve only met online, especially if you haven’t seen their face. 

Protect yourself from catfishes

There are several ways to protect yourself from catfishes. First of all, never give out money, your bank information, or your credit card details to someone you haven’t met in person. Be wary with your personal information as well.

Catfishes are usually scammers looking to either convince you to send them money, get access to your cards, or persuade you to give them enough personal details that they can commit identity fraud. I wouldn’t give out much beyond superficial information before you’ve met in person.

Another thing to watch out for is their dating photos. Do they look Instagram-model perfect? Then the catfisher might have stolen them from an actual Instagram model. Screenshot or save their pictures and do a reverse Google image search to see if you can determine where the photo is actually from. 

Of course, one of the most significant catfish indicators is when they won’t video call. Some people are shy, yes, but when you’ve been talking for weeks, there’s no reason not to video call. If someone gets aggressive or ghosts you after you ask, or if they employ an excuse (‘my camera is broken’ is common, but someone I know was once told ‘I don’t have good enough internet because I work on an oil rig’!) then you should be very wary.