Do you often feel that you are somehow failing as a mum? That you could or should be ‘better’? Learn how to spot your parenting crap cloud and replace it with something MUCH more positive!
Do you have a ‘crap cloud’? Most of us do, at least for some things. It’s all the negative stuff that we say to ourselves in situations where we might be uncomfortable.
Freelance writer, poet and personal coach Rachael Blair explains why you don’t need to listen to your parenting crap cloud, and how to replace it with a much more positive confidence cloud instead.
Most of us have some sort of crap cloud
Most of us have some sort of crap cloud. Perhaps you have a networking crap cloud, in which you say that you’re not good at meeting new people (try these tips on networking for the socially terrified). Or a public speaking crap cloud, in which you tell yourself you have nothing of value to say (try this confidence boosting bubble).
When it comes to parenting though, it’s probably safe to say that pretty much every mum has a crap cloud at some point.
What’s your parenting crap cloud?
Perhaps your parenting crap cloud says that you’re ‘failing’ because you don’t make a home cooked meal every night, or because your house isn’t spotless. Maybe it says that your child’s supermarket tantrum makes you look like the worst parent in the world. Or the fact that they Just. Won’t. Sleep is your fault because you nursed them/let them have a bottle to sleep. Or maybe because didn’t sleep train them. Or because you did…
You know what? Stop. It’s all crap.
You see, that’s all this stuff is. This big cloud of stuff over your head, weighing you down – it’s just ‘stuff’. All this crap isn’t real. And it has no basis in real life.
Imagine what it would be like to have an empty cloud, or even no cloud at all. Just silence, no judgement. Only you, your child, the love between you and the knowledge that however you’re parenting, as long as it’s from a place of love, then you’re probably doing okay. Wouldn’t that be so much better?
Whose crap is it anyway?
So what can we do about these crap clouds? Well, let’s start with where the crap comes from. All this ‘stuff’, these ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ and ‘have tos’. Are they even yours? Are you sure..? Listen closely. What or who do they sound like? And do you really believe them?
But everyone does or says…
Always be curious if your first response is ‘but everyone does/no-one can…’. Take a step back. Really? Everyone? Everyone in the whole world? No? So why do you? Do you really have to? If not, then challenge the crap each time it comes up. Ask yourself, ‘Is that true?’
If the answer is ‘no’ or ‘not really’, then try something new instead. What if you didn’t make that home cooked meal tonight? What if your child’s tantrum was just because they’re tired… and not forgetting that all children have tantrums, whether you see them or not! What if, instead of a crap cloud, you had a congratulations cloud instead? What might that say?
Replace it with a congratulations cloud instead
Take a moment now, forget all the crap and think about all your proud parenting moments this week.
Maybe you got up to attend to a cranky baby several times through the night, or looked after a poorly toddler. Perhaps you managed to stay calm through, or even divert, a tantrum. Or did you spent time helping your child with their homework or even just spent some quality time playing, reading or talking with them?
Sometimes we’re so quick to focus on our perceived failures, we forget about our successes. And not just when it comes to parenting.
So, next time you feel a crap cloud coming over – whether it’s related to parenting, work or anything – why not try replacing it with a congratulations cloud instead?
Rachael Blair is a freelance writer, poet and personal coach with a heart-centred approach. Writing, people and poetry are her passions and connecting with people is at the core of everything she does. You can connect with her on twitter or find out how she can help you at writingpeoplepoetry.com.Rachael Blair